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User blog:Composite 4/Review of Jerald Danville
I was asked to review this article a while ago, this review is coming a little late but better now than never :) Jerald Danville In my ordinary fashion I'll start reviewing the article from the top down and I have to say that the top would have turned me off from reading the entire article had I not been reading the article for a review. I fail to understand the purpose of quotes on characters because they always make the character look like an actor from a low-budget straight to dvd film. I am not completely against quotes but the truth is nobody ever comes up with a quote that is genuinely clever or interesting and since it is AT THE TOP OF YOUR PAGE it turns people off from reading the rest of the article, but, let's move on. Looking at the biography section I notice the author's annoying formatting, he writes like this is an instant message conversation and fails to understand the concept of a paragraph. Actually, it looks more like he is listing little facts instead of writing a proper biography. Nonetheless, his writing is no better. He uses a typical vault-dweller story about adventure and hardship and bla bla bla, thanks, it's not like I played through Fallout 3 and thought "A ghoul spin-off of the story would really hit the spot!". Putting the overworked story aside, I find my first implausibility. The author writes: "Jerald found shelter in a derelict power plant. The plant was inhabited by feral ghouls - which Jerald was terribly afraid of - But for some reason, they did not attack him. Although this fact was true, he was still terrified of them." Now, I fail to understand what human logic he uses because I know of no normal human being, much less one sheltered in a safe vault, that would stick around in a building full of mutants that scare the shit of him, but this looks like an obvious case where the author made up some cock-and-bull excuse so he can continue his story and establish the "unique" aspects of his character. The next section, "Jerald The Ghoul", is not worth going over since it just tells of his uninteresting journey and how he got up to his current point (which I assume must be good if he's skipping vital parts of the character's life). ONTO THE NEXT SECTION! "The Present". Okay, so, the author just skipped parts of the character's life to tell me that he doesn't like the way he looks and that people like hearing him lie? Wow, this was worth it. And in normal fanon fashion he mentions his competency with a weapon, *rolls eyes*. Let's move on to this character's gear. In the gear section I get another cute story(excuse?) on how he got something, in this case his cool little rifle. The author writes: "Once Jerald learned of his childhood home being used as a military base, he became curious and decided to visit Vault 22 once again. When he arrived at the Vault, Jerald tricked the guard by saying he had storage in the Vault. On the way past the guard he pickpocketed him for his key ring. Jerald found and entered the armory." Okay, no. That is like me going to a police station (the equivalency of a post-apocalyptic military base) and tricking a police officer and then magically stealing his gun, uh no. This article gets a 2/10. I can't even really call this an article, there is no story to speak of and it looks like a throw-away character in some lame RP. Category:Blog posts